One of the first things I explain to somebody who comes to me wanting to lose weight is that I don’t have one weight-loss plan that I give to everybody. I actually spend a long time talking to somebody before deciding what might help them, because two people can arrive wanting to lose exactly the same amount of weight for completely different reasons and need completely different approaches.
Before we start talking about calories or meal plans, I want to understand you. Why do you want to lose weight? What is motivating you now? How is your health? How are you sleeping? What are your stress levels like? How much do you move? What does a normal day of eating actually look like? When are you hungry? When do you overeat? What foods do you love? What foods do you hate? Do you cook? Do you eat because you’re hungry, or do you sometimes eat because you’re tired, lonely, bored, stressed or overwhelmed? What is your relationship with sugar? What is your relationship with alcohol? What happens at weekends? Even how you ate growing up can be interesting because many of our beliefs and habits around food begin long before we’re consciously thinking about nutrition.
I also want to understand somebody’s relationship with dieting. Have you spent 30 years going on and off diets? Do you restrict yourself all week and then overeat at the weekend? Do you label foods as “good” and “bad”? Do you feel guilty after eating something you enjoy? Do you skip breakfast and then become ravenous later? Are your portions simply larger than your body needs, or is something much more emotional happening around food? All of this matters because handing somebody another restrictive diet when they’ve already spent half their life dieting may be exactly the wrong thing to do.
For some people, the biggest missing piece really is nutrition education. They simply haven’t been taught how to put together a nourishing meal. They may be eating very little protein or fibre, very few vegetables and relying heavily on highly processed convenience foods. They may still be frightened of healthy fats because they’ve spent years believing that fat makes you fat. In that situation, I might spend quite a lot of time explaining protein, carbohydrates, fats, fibre, portion sizes and how to build a satisfying plate. Rather than immediately taking food away, sometimes the first thing we do is actually add nourishment.
Gut health is something else I talk about because our digestive system and gut microbiome are influenced by what we eat. I encourage variety rather than looking for one miracle “gut-health” food. Vegetables, fruit, beans, lentils, whole grains, nuts, seeds, herbs and other plant foods can provide different fibres and nutrients. We don’t need to make eating complicated, but increasing the variety of nourishing whole foods can be a lovely place to start.
I also talk quite a lot about blood glucose, particularly because understanding it can help people think differently about meals. Carbohydrate-containing foods can raise blood glucose after we eat — which is normal — and our bodies release insulin to help regulate it. Rather than becoming frightened of carbohydrates or trying to keep blood sugar completely “flat”, I like people to think about balanced meals containing protein, fibre and nutritious sources of fat alongside carbohydrates. Regular physical activity is important too, and something as simple as taking a walk after a meal can be useful. If somebody has diabetes, prediabetes or another medical condition affecting blood glucose, however, their individual management belongs with their healthcare team rather than a generic weight-loss plan.
For another client, nutrition may actually be quite good. They know what protein is. They eat vegetables. They understand portions. Giving that person another lecture about broccoli isn’t going to solve anything because the real problem may be stress.
This is where I think weight loss becomes much more interesting than simply telling somebody to “eat less and move more”. Imagine somebody who’s under enormous pressure, sleeping badly, constantly rushing and reaching the end of every day completely exhausted. Food may have become one of the quickest ways they know to comfort themselves or switch off. They aren’t eating the biscuits because nobody has explained that an apple contains more fibre. They already know. They’re eating because at that moment the biscuits are meeting an emotional need.
For that person, our weight-loss work may initially look surprisingly unlike a diet. We might work on sleep, breathing, relaxation, identifying triggers, creating a pause before automatically eating, changing the home environment and developing other ways of regulating difficult emotions. My background in yoga, breathwork, meditation, NLP and EFT naturally influences this side of my work. I’m interested in what’s happening in the nervous system as well as what’s happening on the plate.
I don’t like describing every instance of overeating as a lack of willpower. Sometimes people need better strategies rather than more self-criticism. If you always eat when you’re stressed, let’s understand the stress. If you eat when you’re lonely, let’s recognise that pattern. If alcohol makes you lose your normal boundaries around food, let’s look at alcohol. If you eat extremely little during the day and then can’t stop eating at night, perhaps the answer isn’t even greater restriction. We need to understand the pattern before trying to change it.
For some people, alcohol is a surprisingly important piece of the puzzle. It’s not only the energy in alcoholic drinks themselves. Drinking can affect sleep and can also make it easier to eat differently from how we’d intended. Again, I’m not interested in judging somebody or issuing a list of forbidden things. I want them to become curious about the relationship. What happens when I drink? How do I sleep? What do I eat afterwards? How do I feel the following morning? Once we understand our patterns, we’re in a much stronger position to decide what we want to change.
Sometimes I’ll suggest beginning with what I might call a reset. In the past I might have called this a detox, and I still understand why people like that word, but our liver, kidneys, digestive system and other organs are already continually processing and eliminating waste. We don’t need a special juice to “flush toxins” out of ourselves. What can be incredibly useful, though, is a period of simplifying things: reducing or removing alcohol, drinking enough water, eating plenty of vegetables and other whole foods, getting adequate protein and fibre, reducing highly processed foods, sleeping properly and moving every day. It can feel like a detox because people often feel very different, but really we’re creating conditions that support the systems the body already has.
Other people don’t need a reset at all. They need to learn portion awareness. Nutritious food still contains energy, and it’s possible to eat more energy than our body needs even when everything on our plate is “healthy”. That doesn’t mean weighing every lettuce leaf for the rest of your life. Sometimes we simply need to understand what an appropriate portion looks like and become better at noticing hunger, satisfaction and fullness.
For somebody else, the problem may be lifestyle. They’re eating dinner at 10 o’clock because they haven’t organised their day. They’re skipping lunch because they’re working. They have nothing in the fridge, so they’re constantly buying food when they’re already ravenous. In that situation, the most useful weight-loss intervention might be planning. A shopping list. Preparing lunch the night before. Keeping easy sources of protein available. Cooking extra portions and freezing them. Having nutritious snacks available for genuinely hungry moments. Weight loss isn’t always about knowing more nutritional science. Sometimes it’s about making the healthier choice the easier choice.
Then we have hormones and life stage. Particularly with women in midlife, I think it’s important to acknowledge that menopause and ageing can affect body composition, where we tend to store fat, sleep, appetite, muscle mass and how energetic we feel. But I don’t want women to come away believing that their hormones have made change impossible. This is one reason I combine nutrition with strength training, cardiovascular exercise, sleep and stress management. Maintaining and building muscle becomes particularly valuable as we get older.
And that’s why I don’t believe in simply handing somebody a piece of paper saying, “Eat this on Monday, this on Tuesday and this on Wednesday.”
I want to teach you enough that eventually you don’t need the piece of paper.
I want you to understand why you’re putting protein into a meal. Why fibre matters. Why plants matter. Why we need dietary fat. Why strength training matters. Why sleep matters. Why stress can change the way we behave around food. Why walking after dinner can be a lovely habit. Why one piece of cake hasn’t “ruined everything”. And why the way you speak to yourself after eating that cake may be more important than the cake itself.
I also want your plan to contain foods you actually like. There is absolutely no point in me writing a beautiful meal plan filled with foods you hate. Tell me what you enjoy. Tell me what you won’t eat. Tell me whether you love cooking or can’t bear it. Tell me whether you’ve got twenty minutes to make dinner or an hour. Tell me what you can afford. Tell me what your family eats. Then we build something around your actual life.
Because ultimately, a successful weight-loss plan isn’t the cleverest, strictest or most fashionable diet.
It’s the one that addresses the reason you are struggling with your weight and that you can realistically continue.
For one person that might mean learning about nutrition. For another it might be portion sizes. For another it might be reducing alcohol. For somebody else it could be blood-glucose management alongside appropriate medical care. Another person may need to work on emotional eating and stress. Someone else needs more movement and strength training. Another person simply needs structure, accountability and somebody beside them saying, Come on, you can do this.
And quite often it’s a mixture of several of these things.
That’s why my starting point isn’t:
“Which diet should I put you on?”
It’s:
“Tell me about you.”
Because once I understand the person, we can begin creating a plan that fits the person.
And for me, that’s what personal training and weight-loss coaching should actually mean.
Selena
Personal Trainer, Yoga Teacher & Wellbeing Coach
In Flow Wellbeing Studio, Cheltenham
