How it took me 30 years to find a healthy, happy relationship with food and my body.
I’m 59 years old, and I can genuinely say that I love food, I enjoy eating, and I feel happy and comfortable in my body.
But it hasn’t always been this way.
In fact, it’s probably taken me 40 years to get here.
I wasn’t always slim. I wasn’t always healthy. And I certainly wasn’t always comfortable in my own skin.
Like so many women, I’ve spent a large part of my life worrying about my weight, trying different diets, counting calories, and believing that if I could just lose a few more pounds, somehow I’d feel better about myself.
Today, my relationship with food and my body is completely different.
I want to share my story because I know how exhausting it can be to spend years struggling with your weight. And I want people to know that there is another way.
Growing Up With Food, Weight and Unhappiness
I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s in a household where both my parents struggled with their health.
My mother was very overweight, and my father struggled with alcoholism.
My mother was an extraordinary cook. She had attended finishing school, where she learnt to create beautiful dinner parties, and later trained in catering. She eventually opened her own café, which became a restaurant.
She made the most exquisite cakes and could turn almost anything into a wonderful meal.
But she also had a very difficult relationship with food.
My mother had grown up during the Second World War. She came from Kensington in London and experienced evacuation, rationing, uncertainty and the constant fear that surrounded those years.
Looking back, I can understand how her early experiences may have influenced her relationship with food. Food was about so much more than nourishment. It could represent comfort, security, pleasure and love.
She was only 5 feet 3 inches tall and wore a size 20. She struggled with her weight throughout her life, and I grew up surrounded by women who were also unhappy with their bodies.
I was an overweight child, and in the 1970s, that was relatively unusual.
My father would sometimes make comments about my weight, saying things like, “Oh, you’re just like your mother.”
Those words stayed with me.
I began to see my body as something that needed fixing.
My First Diet at Seven Years Old
I was just seven when my mother took me to Weight Watchers.
Imagine that. Seven years old, already being taught that my body needed to be smaller.
Today, we understand much more about the importance of helping children develop a positive relationship with food and their bodies. But in the 1970s, attitudes were very different.
My mother was doing what she believed was best for me.
Unfortunately, it also meant that I became conscious of dieting, weight and body size at a very young age.
Instead of simply enjoying food and growing up, I began to associate eating with rules, restriction and guilt.
And that relationship would follow me for decades.
My Grandfather: A Different Kind of Inspiration
There was another important influence in my childhood.
My maternal grandfather was a wonderful sportsman.
He represented Great Britain in hockey, played cricket at a very high level and was an accomplished all-round athlete.
I had a particularly special relationship with him.
Looking back, I find it interesting that I grew up with such contrasting influences. On one side, there were the struggles with food, weight and health that I saw at home. On the other, there was my grandfather, whose life had been enriched by sport and physical activity.
Perhaps some of my eventual love of fitness began with that connection.
Horses, Fresh Air and Finding Movement I Loved
As a young teenager, I fell completely in love with horses.
They were my first great passion.
I was fortunate enough to have a pony, and suddenly my life became much more active.
I walked to the stables, spent hours outdoors, rode regularly, cared for my pony and walked to school.
I wasn’t exercising to burn calories.
I was moving because I loved what I was doing.
And that’s something I’ve come to appreciate enormously as a fitness instructor.
The best exercise is often the exercise we genuinely enjoy.
When we’re doing something we love, movement stops feeling like punishment and becomes a natural part of our lives.
The Beginning of 30 Years of Dieting
When I was 15, my father died.
It was an incredibly difficult time in my life, and I became increasingly conscious of my weight and appearance.
I went on my first diet independently.
That was really the beginning of around 30 years of my weight going up and down.
I would lose weight, feel pleased with myself, and then gradually put it back on.
So I’d start another diet.
And another.
Like so many people, I believed the answer was simply to eat less and exercise more.
If I wasn’t losing weight, I assumed I wasn’t trying hard enough.
I didn’t understand how much more complicated our relationship with food could be.
Becoming an Aerobics Instructor
In my twenties, I trained as an aerobics instructor.
I loved the music, the movement, the energy and the wonderful feeling of exercising with other people.
But if I’m completely truthful, one of my motivations was that I hoped being a fitness instructor would help me stay thin.
I knew a great deal about exercise, but surprisingly little about nutrition.
I remember having a Diet Coke and a chocolate bar for lunch.
The chocolate bar contained around 300 calories, and as far as I was concerned, that was fine because I was counting calories.
I wasn’t thinking about protein, fibre, healthy fats, vitamins or minerals.
I was simply thinking about how many calories I could eat without putting on weight.
Low-fat yoghurts, low-calorie meals and processed diet foods became part of my life.
I genuinely believed that low-calorie meant healthy.
I went on to train as a personal trainer, but my understanding of nutrition was still very limited.
It seems extraordinary to me now, knowing what I know today.
The Turning Point: Discovering Nutritional Healing at 40
Everything began to change when I was around 40.
I spent a year studying nutritional healing at the Bristol Nutritional Healing Foundation.
We explored nutrition, digestion, detoxification, weight management and the importance of nourishing the body properly.
For the first time, I began to understand that food wasn’t simply about calories.
Food provided the raw materials my body needed to function.
I learnt about protein, healthy fats, fibre, vitamins, minerals and the importance of eating a wide variety of nutritious foods.
I began moving away from processed diet products and towards whole foods.
I started eating more vegetables, including healthy fats, drinking plenty of water and significantly reducing my alcohol consumption.
And something extraordinary happened.
I became happier.
That was the biggest surprise of all.
Within about three or four weeks, I noticed a dramatic improvement in my mood and mental wellbeing.
I felt brighter, more positive and more energetic.
I had originally changed my diet to improve my physical health, but the emotional benefits were remarkable.
Today, we know much more about the fascinating connections between nutrition, gut health and the brain.
Of course, mental health is complex, and changing our diet isn’t a cure for depression or emotional difficulties. But in my own experience, nourishing my body properly made an enormous difference to how I felt.
I began to realise that being healthy was about far more than being slim.
Meditation: Discovering Another Kind of Nourishment
Around this time, I also began developing a regular meditation practice.
I attended meditation classes twice a week and started incorporating a short meditation into my mornings.
I noticed improvements in my focus, mood and ability to manage everyday stress.
For years, I’d concentrated on changing what was happening on the outside of my body.
Now I was beginning to understand the importance of what was happening on the inside.
My thoughts, emotions, stress levels and daily habits all influenced how I felt.
And that would become another important part of my journey.
At 50, Yoga Changed My Relationship With My Body
When I started practising yoga regularly at around 50, something else began to shift.
My weight became much more stable.
But perhaps more importantly, I developed a completely different relationship with my body.
Yoga taught me to listen to it rather than constantly trying to change it.
I learnt to breathe more consciously, release tension, stretch, relax and recognise when I was becoming overwhelmed.
Previously, when life became stressful, I might find myself wandering into the kitchen looking for something to eat.
Not necessarily because I was hungry.
Sometimes I was tired, anxious, overwhelmed or simply needed a break.
Yoga gave me another option.
I could go to my mat, do a few gentle stretches, practise some breathing exercises or simply lie down and relax.
I discovered Yoga Nidra, a wonderful form of guided deep relaxation, which became especially valuable when I was overtired.
Instead of always reaching for food to soothe myself, I had developed other ways of looking after my emotional needs.
I began to understand that sometimes what we need isn’t food. It’s rest, reassurance, movement, relaxation or a moment of peace.
That realisation was incredibly liberating.
Discovering Breathwork in My Mid-Fifties
Although I’d already studied breathing techniques through my yoga training, I began exploring breathwork much more deeply in my mid-fifties.
My partner was living with cancer, and it was an extremely stressful period.
I was struggling with sleep and hoped that learning more about breathing might help.
What surprised me was how much it seemed to improve my energy.
Breathwork became one of my greatest passions.
I discovered how valuable it was to have simple techniques that I could use throughout the day to help myself feel calmer, more focused and more settled.
Alongside yoga and meditation, breathwork became another way of caring for myself without turning automatically to food.
Another Discovery: Understanding Blood Sugar
More recently, I discovered the work of Jessie Inchauspé, also known as the Glucose Goddess.
Her approach to understanding blood sugar introduced me to another fascinating aspect of nutrition.
I began thinking more carefully about how I combined foods, the importance of protein and fibre, and how gentle movement after meals could support blood glucose regulation.
I learnt to think beyond simply whether a food was high or low in calories.
I became interested in how meals affected my energy, appetite and how I felt throughout the day.
It was another important piece of the puzzle.
I’ll explore this in much more detail in the next blog, because understanding blood sugar has been one of my most useful discoveries.
At 59, I Finally Feel at Home in My Body
And that brings me to today.
I’m 59 years old.
I love eating. I love good food. I love preparing nourishing meals, and I still enjoy delicious treats.
But I no longer feel that I’m constantly fighting my body.
I don’t want to spend my life counting every calorie, feeling guilty about food or worrying that I’ve somehow failed because I’ve eaten something I enjoy.
I want to feel strong, energetic, healthy and happy.
I want to enjoy moving my body.
I want to sleep well, manage stress, maintain my strength and look after my health as I get older.
And perhaps most importantly, I want to feel comfortable being me.
It’s taken decades of learning, experimenting, studying and occasionally getting things wrong to arrive here.
And I certainly don’t claim to have all the answers.
But I have learnt that sustainable health is about so much more than following a diet.
It’s about understanding your body, nourishing it properly, finding movement you enjoy, managing stress and developing habits that genuinely support your wellbeing.
It’s also about being kinder to yourself.
What I Want Other People to Know
After more than 30 years working in fitness and wellbeing, I’ve met so many people who feel unhappy with their bodies.
People who believe they lack willpower.
People who have tried diet after diet.
People who feel embarrassed about exercising or believe that being healthy means giving up all the foods they love.
I understand those feelings because I’ve experienced many of them myself.
And that’s why I’m so passionate about helping people find a different approach.
I don’t want to teach people to punish their bodies into becoming smaller.
I want to help them understand how their bodies work.
I want them to discover food that nourishes them, movement that makes them feel good, and practical ways to manage stress and develop healthier habits.
I want them to feel confident, strong, comfortable and happy in their own skin.
Because after 40 years of trying to get it right, I’ve discovered something rather wonderful.
The goal isn’t simply to lose weight. The goal is to create a life in which you feel healthy, happy and at home in your body.
And you don’t have to wait until you’ve reached a particular number on the scales to begin feeling that way.
With love,
Selena
In Flow Wellbeing Studio
Coming Next: What 30 Years of Dieting Taught Me About Food and Weight Loss
In my next blog, I’ll share some of the discoveries that transformed my understanding of nutrition, including why calories don’t tell the whole story, how blood sugar affects our bodies, the importance of gut health, and why protein, healthy fats and fibre matter so much.
I’ll also explain why building muscle becomes increasingly important as we get older, and how we can enjoy delicious food while supporting a healthy weight.
Would you like some support with your own health and wellbeing journey?
At In Flow Wellbeing Studio, I combine personal training, yoga, breathwork, nutrition education and mindset coaching to help people develop realistic, enjoyable and sustainable healthy habits.
Whether you’re returning to exercise, looking to improve your strength or simply wanting to feel more comfortable in your body, I’d love to help.
Visit www.inflowstudio.co.uk to find out more or enquire about working with me.
