After 40 years of dieting and more than 30 years working in fitness and wellbeing, here’s what I’ve learnt about motivation, willpower and making lasting changes.
Have you ever started a diet on a Monday morning feeling absolutely determined that this time everything was going to be different?
You’ve cleared out the cupboards, bought lots of healthy food, planned your meals and promised yourself that you’re going to exercise three or four times a week.
For the first few days, everything goes brilliantly.
You feel motivated, organised and in control.
Then life happens.
You have a stressful day at work. You don’t sleep well. Someone invites you out for dinner. You miss a workout, eat something you hadn’t planned, and suddenly that familiar feeling creeps in.
I’ve blown it. I might as well start again on Monday.
Does that sound familiar?
It certainly does to me.
I spent around 30 years of my life losing and regaining weight. I’ve tried diets, counted calories, avoided fat, eaten diet foods and believed that if I could just be a little more disciplined, I’d finally achieve the body I wanted.
But what I’ve learnt, both through my own experience and through more than 30 years working in fitness and wellbeing, is that lasting change rarely comes from being stricter with ourselves.
It comes from understanding ourselves better.
1. Why Do So Many Diets Fail?
Most diets begin with a burst of enthusiasm.
We imagine how wonderful we’ll feel when we’ve lost weight. We make ambitious plans and decide to change everything at once.
But many diets ask us to follow rules that are difficult to maintain in everyday life.
We might be told to eliminate entire food groups, count every calorie, avoid our favourite foods or follow rigid meal plans.
And while some people initially lose weight, maintaining that loss can be much harder.
There are biological reasons for this.
When we lose weight, our bodies can respond with changes in appetite, energy expenditure and hormones involved in hunger and fullness.
We may become hungrier, and our bodies may require less energy at a lower weight.
That doesn’t mean weight loss is impossible. It means maintaining it can require ongoing support and sustainable habits.
There are also emotional and practical reasons.
Life is unpredictable.
We get tired. We become stressed. Our routines change. We go on holiday, celebrate birthdays and have difficult days.
A diet that only works when everything is going perfectly isn’t particularly helpful.
I believe the best approach is one that still works when life gets messy.
2. The Problem With All-or-Nothing Thinking
One of the most common patterns I see is what I call all-or-nothing thinking.
People believe they must follow their plan perfectly or they’ve failed.
They might eat a biscuit and think they’ve ruined their diet.
Or miss one exercise session and decide the whole week has been wasted.
But eating one biscuit doesn’t undo a healthy diet.
And missing one workout doesn’t erase all the exercise you’ve done before.
Imagine brushing your teeth.
If you forgot to brush them one evening, you wouldn’t decide there was no point brushing them again until next Monday.
You’d simply carry on.
Healthy eating and exercise can work in exactly the same way.
One meal is just one meal.
One day is just one day.
What matters most is the pattern we create over weeks, months and years.
I encourage people to move away from perfection and towards consistency.
3. Stop Setting Goals That Are Too Big
This is something I’m particularly passionate about as a personal trainer.
When someone decides they want to get fitter, they often set enormous goals.
They might plan to visit the gym five times a week, walk 10,000 steps every day and completely change their eating habits.
And I understand why.
They’re excited. They’re motivated. They want results.
But what happens when that initial enthusiasm fades?
Suddenly, the plan feels overwhelming.
And instead of feeling successful, they feel disappointed in themselves.
I prefer to start with goals that are almost ridiculously easy.
If someone hasn’t exercised for years, I might suggest beginning with just ten minutes of movement once or twice a week.
Perhaps a short walk.
A few simple strength exercises.
Or some gentle stretching at home.
The important thing is that they can achieve it.
Because every time we achieve a goal, we build confidence.
And confidence encourages us to keep going.
I’d much rather someone successfully exercise for ten minutes every week than repeatedly fail to achieve an unrealistic five-day programme.
Once that small habit becomes comfortable, we can gradually build on it.
4. Motivation Is Personal — What Works for You?
One of the things I love about working with people is discovering what motivates them.
We’re all different.
Some people love structure and routine.
They enjoy having a clear plan, recording their progress and working towards measurable goals.
Other people find too much structure boring or restrictive.
They need variety, enjoyment, creativity and a sense of play.
Some people are motivated by the idea of moving towards something positive.
They imagine having more energy, feeling stronger, enjoying their clothes or being able to play with their grandchildren.
Others are motivated by wanting to avoid something.
Perhaps they’re concerned about losing mobility, developing health problems or becoming less independent as they age.
Neither motivation style is automatically better.
But understanding what matters to you can help us design an approach you’re more likely to enjoy.
Through my training in NLP and coaching, I’ve become particularly interested in the language people use, the beliefs they hold and the goals that genuinely inspire them.
I don’t believe everyone needs the same fitness programme or the same motivational approach.
I believe we need to understand the individual.
5. Willpower Isn’t the Whole Answer
People often tell me they don’t have enough willpower.
They say things like:
“I’m hopeless at sticking to diets.”
“I just can’t resist chocolate.”
“I’m so lazy when it comes to exercise.”
But our choices are influenced by much more than determination.
Sleep, stress, emotions, habits, environment and how hungry we are can all affect our decisions.
If you’ve had a difficult day, haven’t eaten properly and are exhausted, it’s hardly surprising that preparing a complicated healthy meal might feel overwhelming.
Rather than relying entirely on willpower, I encourage people to make healthy choices easier.
Keep nutritious foods you enjoy readily available.
Have some simple meals you can prepare when you’re tired.
Find exercise that fits naturally into your routine.
Put your walking shoes somewhere visible.
Arrange to meet a friend for a walk.
Make the habits you want to develop as convenient and enjoyable as possible.
Sometimes the secret isn’t trying harder.
It’s making things easier.
6. Understanding Emotional Eating
For many years, I didn’t fully appreciate how closely my emotions were connected to my eating habits.
When I felt overwhelmed, stressed or tired, I might find myself heading into the kitchen.
Sometimes I was genuinely hungry.
But sometimes I was looking for comfort, reassurance or simply a break.
When I started practising yoga regularly in my fifties, I discovered another way to respond to those feelings.
I learnt to go to my yoga mat.
Sometimes I’d do a few stretches.
Sometimes I’d practise gentle breathing.
Sometimes I’d lie down and listen to a Yoga Nidra relaxation.
And often, after giving myself that time, I felt much better.
Food can absolutely be comforting, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying it.
But I think it’s wonderful to have a range of ways to look after ourselves emotionally.
A walk.
A conversation with a friend.
A warm bath.
Some music.
Meditation.
Breathwork.
Or simply allowing ourselves to rest.
The more ways we have to care for ourselves, the less we need to rely on any one thing.
7. Learn to Enjoy Food Again
One of the biggest changes in my own life has been learning to enjoy food without guilt.
For years, I divided foods into good and bad.
I worried about calories.
I avoided fat.
I ate low-calorie diet products because I thought they would help me stay slim.
Today, my approach is completely different.
I focus on nourishing my body.
I enjoy colourful vegetables, good sources of protein, healthy fats, fibre and a wonderful variety of foods.
But I also enjoy cake.
I enjoy eating out.
I enjoy sharing meals with friends.
And I don’t believe one indulgent meal means I’ve failed.
Healthy eating should be something that adds pleasure and wellbeing to our lives, not something that makes us anxious or miserable.
I often encourage people to think about what they can add to their diet rather than what they need to remove.
Could you add an extra vegetable to dinner?
Include some protein at breakfast?
Try a new recipe?
Eat a wider variety of plant foods?
Small positive changes can gradually transform the overall quality of our diet.
8. Celebrate Small Successes
I think we underestimate the importance of encouragement.
As a fitness instructor, I’ve always loved helping people feel successful.
Someone who hasn’t exercised for years might feel incredibly proud after completing their first ten-minute session.
Someone else might be delighted that they can climb the stairs without getting so breathless.
Another person might notice that they’re sleeping better, feeling stronger or enjoying their walks.
These achievements matter.
And I believe we should celebrate them.
Not just the number on the scales.
Progress can mean having more energy, improving strength, feeling more confident or developing a healthier relationship with food.
When we recognise our progress, we create a positive reason to continue.
9. Accountability Can Make a Real Difference
Another thing I’ve learnt is how valuable it can be to have someone encouraging us along the way.
Not someone who judges us.
Not someone who tells us off when things don’t go to plan.
But someone who listens, supports us, celebrates our achievements and helps us find solutions when we struggle.
I love the idea of being someone’s cheerleader.
As a personal trainer and wellbeing coach, I don’t believe my job is simply to give someone a list of exercises.
It’s to help them develop confidence and discover what works for them.
Sometimes that means setting goals together.
Sometimes it means checking in after a difficult week.
Sometimes it means changing the plan because life has become busy.
And sometimes it simply means reminding someone how far they’ve already come.
Accountability doesn’t always have to mean weekly personal training sessions.
Even an occasional goal-setting appointment, with agreed check-ins and a review a few weeks later, can provide useful structure and encouragement.
10. Think About the Person You Want to Become
This is one of my favourite ways of approaching lifestyle change.
Instead of focusing only on how much weight you want to lose, think about how you want to live.
Do you want to be someone who enjoys walking?
Someone who feels strong and capable?
Someone who prepares nourishing meals?
Someone who manages stress more calmly?
Someone who feels confident walking into a gym?
When we begin creating habits that reflect the person we want to become, healthy living can start to feel more natural.
We stop thinking only about reaching a destination.
And we begin enjoying the journey.
My Five Favourite Tips for Making Healthy Habits Last
If you’re starting a new health or fitness journey, these are the five things I’d encourage you to remember.
1. Start smaller than you think you need to. Choose a goal you’re confident you can achieve, and build gradually.
2. Make it enjoyable. Find food, movement and routines that bring pleasure into your life.
3. Understand your motivation. Discover what genuinely inspires you rather than following someone else’s idea of success.
4. Be kind to yourself. A difficult day doesn’t mean you’ve failed. You can simply continue with your next meal or next opportunity to move.
5. Celebrate every achievement. Notice improvements in your strength, energy, confidence, sleep and wellbeing, not just your weight.
You Don’t Need Another Diet. You Need an Approach That Works for You.
At 59, I feel happier, healthier and more comfortable in my body than I did for much of my younger life.
But it took me decades to understand that I didn’t need to keep punishing myself with diets and unrealistic expectations.
I needed to understand my body.
I needed to nourish it.
I needed to learn how to manage stress.
And I needed to find healthy habits that I could genuinely enjoy.
That’s what I want to help other people discover.
Because you don’t need to become a different person overnight.
You don’t need to be perfect.
And you certainly don’t need to spend the rest of your life feeling guilty about food.
You can start exactly where you are.
With one small, achievable change.
And then another.
And another.
The most successful healthy lifestyle isn’t the strictest one. It’s the one you can enjoy living.
With love,
Selena
In Flow Wellbeing Studio
Would You Like Someone in Your Corner?
If you’ve struggled to maintain healthy habits, feel nervous about exercise or simply don’t know where to begin, I’d love to help.
At In Flow Wellbeing Studio, I combine personal training, yoga, breathwork, nutrition education and mindset coaching to create a supportive, realistic approach to health and fitness.
We can explore your goals, discover what motivates you and create a plan that fits your life.
Whether you want regular personal training or occasional goal-setting and accountability sessions, my aim is to help you feel encouraged, capable and confident.
Think of me as your personal cheerleader.
Visit www.inflowstudio.co.uk to find out more or enquire about working with me.
This article provides general wellbeing information and shares my personal experience. Individual weight-management needs vary, and medical or dietary concerns should be discussed with an appropriately qualified healthcare professional.
